Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Daily Rant: The Current TV Format Conspiracy Situation
I like to think I have a nice TV. It's a little bit older, a little bit old school, it's not a flat screen or HD or plasma or LCD or LED or LSD. Yet it's a great TV with a really good picture. DVD's look really good as do video games and cable. While I would love to have a snazzy new top of the line television, the one I have works great and at the time I bought it was kinda expensive therefore, I'm good with what I got. Hell it does everything I ask of it, it plays DVDs and current video games and has a nice picture and sound. I don't really give a shit about HD TV, I'm sure Blu-Ray DVD's are nice, they don't make my favorite movies any better and there's no way I'm payin' extra for HD TV, my cable bill is already too big. Even if I did pay for HD TV what would really be the point? So I can surf through 200 channels of ain't-shit-on that at least it would be 200 channels of High Definition ain't-shit-on? Don't reallly need it, I'm cool kickin' it with my Old Skool TV.
All's good.
That is until they switched formats on me. Yep those Bastards are evil.
Back in the day all TV transmisions were sent to fit a standard TV and all was good. Then widscreen TVs came along. This format better fit the way movies are formatted so watching widescreen dvds would use less of the black lines at the top and bottom of the screen, referred to as letterboxing.
Widescreen really is the ideal way to watch movies as you get the whole picture (nothings cut off either side) and you don't have to bother with that awful pan & scan where the have the camera move back and forth unaturally over the existing film. Ugh.
So around this time more and more TV shows were being shot in widescreen and would appear on TV in the letterbox format, which actually would up being kinda cool as it gave shows like ER a more dramatic and cinematic feel. Not all shows were like this but everyday more and more were appearing in letterbox. While this didn't add anything to say an episode of say the American version of The Office, it didn't hurt it either. If nothing else the creators of these shows now had a slightly bigger canvas to work on every week with wider camera angles to be taken advantage of. So the did. As Shows got used to the new format many were able to properly utilize all the extra space and would now frame shots in this way.
No problem Right? Right.
Well that is until somebody somewhere decided that to properly keep up with today's technology and that fact that possibly the majority of TVs out are widescreen (a fact that I believe to be true but just don't really care to do the research on) it's best to now transmit the TV signals in widescreen format. Well this is just grand for all those fancy schmancy widescreen HD LCD LED OPP TV owners, yet it kinda screws us standard TV users. Picture this (no pun attended) you're watching a show and all is good till they just happen to cut to a wide angle and guees what? The damn side are cut off! The damn sides are cut off! You don't get to see the whole picture because your ass didn't go out and but a new TV. Well why would you if you didn't need it? Cause you're an ass and just need to have the newest technology wether it's neccessary or not? What the Hell? And there's not an option anywhere to to watch shows in a different way the way spanish speaking people get to watch show in spanish why isn't there a way for use to watch TV the old way? Why you ask? Because they purpose pull this crap so that you'll go out and unnecceasily go buy a new boob tube. You see they figure tha market is already saturated pretty well with the fancy new TVs but yet they know there still many holdouts like myself for the sole purpose of inconvienincing us. It's a damn conspiracy to get everyone to go out and bu a new TV. Be smart, if you have and older TV stick it to 'em by using that thing as long as possible. And when it starts going don't buy a fancy new HD TV, get your old one fixed or find a new old one on craiglist that you can trade a fish tank or car battery for. It's Ok you're not gonna use that fish tank, it's sitting out in your garage filled with oily rags and a manual for a 1997 Geo Metro that you own anymore. Just get rid of it and get a new old TV while you're at it.
We'll show them.
Down with new fangled TVs.
Down tith the conspiracies.
Down with the Man!
All's good.
That is until they switched formats on me. Yep those Bastards are evil.
Back in the day all TV transmisions were sent to fit a standard TV and all was good. Then widscreen TVs came along. This format better fit the way movies are formatted so watching widescreen dvds would use less of the black lines at the top and bottom of the screen, referred to as letterboxing.
Widescreen really is the ideal way to watch movies as you get the whole picture (nothings cut off either side) and you don't have to bother with that awful pan & scan where the have the camera move back and forth unaturally over the existing film. Ugh.
So around this time more and more TV shows were being shot in widescreen and would appear on TV in the letterbox format, which actually would up being kinda cool as it gave shows like ER a more dramatic and cinematic feel. Not all shows were like this but everyday more and more were appearing in letterbox. While this didn't add anything to say an episode of say the American version of The Office, it didn't hurt it either. If nothing else the creators of these shows now had a slightly bigger canvas to work on every week with wider camera angles to be taken advantage of. So the did. As Shows got used to the new format many were able to properly utilize all the extra space and would now frame shots in this way.
No problem Right? Right.
Well that is until somebody somewhere decided that to properly keep up with today's technology and that fact that possibly the majority of TVs out are widescreen (a fact that I believe to be true but just don't really care to do the research on) it's best to now transmit the TV signals in widescreen format. Well this is just grand for all those fancy schmancy widescreen HD LCD LED OPP TV owners, yet it kinda screws us standard TV users. Picture this (no pun attended) you're watching a show and all is good till they just happen to cut to a wide angle and guees what? The damn side are cut off! The damn sides are cut off! You don't get to see the whole picture because your ass didn't go out and but a new TV. Well why would you if you didn't need it? Cause you're an ass and just need to have the newest technology wether it's neccessary or not? What the Hell? And there's not an option anywhere to to watch shows in a different way the way spanish speaking people get to watch show in spanish why isn't there a way for use to watch TV the old way? Why you ask? Because they purpose pull this crap so that you'll go out and unnecceasily go buy a new boob tube. You see they figure tha market is already saturated pretty well with the fancy new TVs but yet they know there still many holdouts like myself for the sole purpose of inconvienincing us. It's a damn conspiracy to get everyone to go out and bu a new TV. Be smart, if you have and older TV stick it to 'em by using that thing as long as possible. And when it starts going don't buy a fancy new HD TV, get your old one fixed or find a new old one on craiglist that you can trade a fish tank or car battery for. It's Ok you're not gonna use that fish tank, it's sitting out in your garage filled with oily rags and a manual for a 1997 Geo Metro that you own anymore. Just get rid of it and get a new old TV while you're at it.
We'll show them.
Down with new fangled TVs.
Down tith the conspiracies.
Down with the Man!
Iron Man 2: The Best Superhero Movie of All Time?
Iron Man 2 is just plain awesome.
Some are saying that it's awesomeness is so great that it in fact is the best movie of all time, beating the likes of The Dark Knight and Spider-man.
While I feel I am 99% sure I am on my pick as #1, I feel it may be premature to announce such a thing without reviewing and ranking those that are not the #1 Superhero movie of all time.
So, whithin the next few days, weeks, months whatever it takes I'll be going over the good and bad of the superhero genre.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
3D = Turd Camoflage
Coinciding with Avaturd day yesterday, major movie studios are announcing that pretty much every movie being released within the next year is going to be in 3D. Which is not a good sign. In fact it's a terrible sign.
But you ask "Isn't 3D a cool way to watch a movie?"
To which I would answer "Well only if it was done well and added to the movie going experience".
Then some oaf would say "Oh, like it did in Avatar?" which would then cause me to kick them in the head for implying that anything involving Avatar was in anyway a good movie going experience.
Avatar is the sole reason for this 3D renaissance and in no way is that a good thing. I'm not going to turn this into a n Avatar review, just simply say that Avatar is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I would have gotten up and walked out on it but even that's hard to do when you've already payed $13 to see the damn movie. In short, the story was crap, the dialogue was crap, the characters were crap, the acting was crap and the so called state of the art 3D imagery was over priced crap.
Anyways, where was I going with this?
Something about Earth Day?
No, nobody really gives a crap about Earth day.
Oh yeah 3D movies. yeah, um...
So Hollywood looks at the polished turd that is Avatar with grat interest because even though there's a saying about a polished turd is still just a turd, that obviously doesn't apply to the world of movies. James Cameron took his turd of a movie polished it up with some fancy pants cgi and made it 3D and everyone and I mean EVERYONE, bought this thing up like it was the greatest thing since John Crapper invented a device that made it possible to poop indoors. So the powers that be in Hollywood figure if they wind up making a 2 hr crapfest all they need to do is make it 3d and it will sell. Plus ya gotta figure what they charge extra for a 3D ticket will make up for those who stay at home.
So now this disease is spreading. Every probable turd is turning 3D. The lackluster Clash of the Titans Remake? 3D. The way too much time has passed unneeded sequel Men In Black 3? 3D. The very questionable Green Lantern featuring the miscast Ryan Reynolds in the yet unseen all cgi costume (ugh)? 3D. Get the idea?
If that's not enough it was recently reported that Sony is unhappy with the already delayed Green Hornet movie, now claiming that Seth Rogen isn't right for the part (really? Seth Rogen not an ideal action star? that's preposterous) and that the tone of the movie is too campy (It's the damn Green Hornet! The Green Hornet is camp). So if the movie's tone is all wrong and they're not happy with the director nor the star, what happens to said movie?
C'mon, didn't you learn anything today?
Well, how is Sony gonna solve their Green Hornet problems?
Reshoots?
No.
Try to fix it in editing?
Not quite.
Send it straight to DVD?
Oh no, they spent way too much money on it for that.
Give up?
Ok. This might be mind boggling but what they are actually gonna do is take the turd known as The Green Hornet...
and make it...
3D!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! 3D WILL SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS!!!!!!!! IT'LL BE AWESOME!!!!! SETH ROGEN COMIN' RIGHT AT YA!!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
3D is turd camoflage, please avoid at all costs.
But you ask "Isn't 3D a cool way to watch a movie?"
To which I would answer "Well only if it was done well and added to the movie going experience".
Then some oaf would say "Oh, like it did in Avatar?" which would then cause me to kick them in the head for implying that anything involving Avatar was in anyway a good movie going experience.
Avatar is the sole reason for this 3D renaissance and in no way is that a good thing. I'm not going to turn this into a n Avatar review, just simply say that Avatar is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I would have gotten up and walked out on it but even that's hard to do when you've already payed $13 to see the damn movie. In short, the story was crap, the dialogue was crap, the characters were crap, the acting was crap and the so called state of the art 3D imagery was over priced crap.
Anyways, where was I going with this?
Something about Earth Day?
No, nobody really gives a crap about Earth day.
Oh yeah 3D movies. yeah, um...
So Hollywood looks at the polished turd that is Avatar with grat interest because even though there's a saying about a polished turd is still just a turd, that obviously doesn't apply to the world of movies. James Cameron took his turd of a movie polished it up with some fancy pants cgi and made it 3D and everyone and I mean EVERYONE, bought this thing up like it was the greatest thing since John Crapper invented a device that made it possible to poop indoors. So the powers that be in Hollywood figure if they wind up making a 2 hr crapfest all they need to do is make it 3d and it will sell. Plus ya gotta figure what they charge extra for a 3D ticket will make up for those who stay at home.
So now this disease is spreading. Every probable turd is turning 3D. The lackluster Clash of the Titans Remake? 3D. The way too much time has passed unneeded sequel Men In Black 3? 3D. The very questionable Green Lantern featuring the miscast Ryan Reynolds in the yet unseen all cgi costume (ugh)? 3D. Get the idea?
If that's not enough it was recently reported that Sony is unhappy with the already delayed Green Hornet movie, now claiming that Seth Rogen isn't right for the part (really? Seth Rogen not an ideal action star? that's preposterous) and that the tone of the movie is too campy (It's the damn Green Hornet! The Green Hornet is camp). So if the movie's tone is all wrong and they're not happy with the director nor the star, what happens to said movie?
C'mon, didn't you learn anything today?
Well, how is Sony gonna solve their Green Hornet problems?
Reshoots?
No.
Try to fix it in editing?
Not quite.
Send it straight to DVD?
Oh no, they spent way too much money on it for that.
Give up?
Ok. This might be mind boggling but what they are actually gonna do is take the turd known as The Green Hornet...
and make it...
3D!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! 3D WILL SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS!!!!!!!! IT'LL BE AWESOME!!!!! SETH ROGEN COMIN' RIGHT AT YA!!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
3D is turd camoflage, please avoid at all costs.
Who the hell brings Lil' John to the NFL Draft?
Seriously, what's up with the shades? He's not even the one being drafted.
GO GO ROCKET BOOB
The rocket boob at the very least has an element of surprise to it. I mean who would ever think to turn a boob into a destructive missile? Although it is a wonder that it was OK to have boobs of mass destruction, but rocket penis would have been ridiculous.
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